Why don’t you have any friends? I would like to be your friend, but sometimes you make it hard for me to get to know you. Sometimes you are mean to me, or you don’t listen when I try to talk. Do you know what a friend is?
According to the The Random House Dictionary of the English Language, the unabridged edition, a friend is:
1. A person attached to another by feelings of personal regard or affection.
2. A person who gives assistance.
3. One who is on good terms with another, not hostile.
Do you want someone to listen to your stories, invite you for coffee and bring you chicken soup when you are sick? Is that just not happening for you right now? Maybe you don’t have any friends because you are not showing affection, giving assistance or being hostile.
Here are 9 reasons why you don’t have any friends.
1. You can’t be trusted.
You betray what was said to you in confidence. When your neighbor told you her oldest son still wets the bed, did you tell your daughter, and then she told all the children on the street?
2. You gossip.
You talk about people behind their back. Remember what your mother told you: “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.”
3. You don’t listen.
When you are at a social event, you only talk about yourself. You don’t listen or ask questions. When there is a pause in the conversation you try to draw the attention back to yourself.
4. You don’t share.
You have house parties once a week, inviting people to buy spices or baskets. You never attend anyone else’s house parties. You never invite anyone to your home unless you want a free basket or a discount on baking supplies.
5. You never smile.
You always look grumpy, you never make eye contact, and you are always checking your phone when someone is trying to talk to you.
6. You whine all the time.
If someone asks you how you are, you take the opportunity to complain, “Just awful. My back hurts. It is cold outside. The cat barfed on the carpet again.” Your glass is always half empty. You don’t know how to love the life you have and enjoy what is in your glass right now.
7. You hide from people.
It is hard to be your friend because you always hide in the back of the room and you won’t talk when spoken to.
9. You are crabby.
I mean you are really crabby. You are full of anger. People are scared of you. It is hard to be your friend because of your rage.
If you have read this far, I assume you would you like to have a friend. I know that I want a friend. I want someone to listen to me. I like coffee and chicken soup always tastes better when a friend makes it.
I know why you don’t have any friends because I didn’t have any friends either. When we moved to Pennsylvania two years ago I hid in my basement and whined. I painted black paintings and was full of anger. I wasn’t kind to anyone and I sat in the back of the church with a frown on my face. I didn’t talk to anyone and I looked unapproachable. If you talked to me, I would have told you how I missed California and hated it here.
I didn’t think about anyone but myself.
And then I remember something I had read.
The only way to have a friend is to be one.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I made a friend by being a friend. I listened to someone’s story, invited someone for coffee and I took someone chicken soup. I became trustworthy. I stopped gossiping, started to listen, shared my toys, smiled, quit whining, stopped hiding and quit being angry.
How do you make friends?
I would like to be your friend. Would you like to meet for coffee?