Write for 5 minutes flat with no editing, tweaking or self critiquing with Lisa-Jo Baker at Five Minute Friday.
The word I am supposed to write about today is beautiful. There is no beauty in my brain today. Ugly, is the word I am thinking of. Carpet stains and dog hair. Cats that vomit grass and seven litter boxes to clean.
Where is the beauty in my world? I can’t see it. I know the sun is shining outside; I know there are flowers in my garden. My children are beautiful, but I don’t see any of it.
My spirit is underneath the carpet, smothered in mold, dust and rot.
Ugly, is the word I want. Under the carpet is where I feel safe, and warm in the dirt. Beauty is for other people. I was never beautiful, I was cute. The girls with the small nose are beautiful. The women on television are beautiful. My nose is not tiny.
There is no beauty in my world.
Flowers and sunshine and tender moments.
I am angry and ugly, and I don’t care. Beauty is not in my world.
That is a lie. I do care. I want to climb out from under the carpet and feel the sunshine on my face. Hold someones hand and feel loved. There is only one who has always loved me. There is only one who sees me as beautiful. The one who sees me in the dark places. I can never hide from him.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.