At approximately 2:00 p.m. on September 22nd, 1990, John Nicholson Hodges and I, Pamela Berdeane Fernuik made promises to each other.
We promised to take each other from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live.
It was easy for me to make promises dressed in a white silk dress, holding red roses,standing in front of family and friends.
The wedding is an event. A planned event. What to wear, what to eat, who to invite? Where to go on a honeymoon? Where will we live? The focus in on the wedding day and not on how to live after the guests leave.
And then the party is over and the honeymoon ends. You find bad breath in the morning and grumpiness at night.
In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find and continue to find grounds for marriage.
― Robert Anderson
There were better days and worse days. We played cribbage and went for walks holding hands.We fought over the nutritional value of Shredded Wheat cereal. I threw pots. He left his socks on the floor.
Rich days and poor days. Days when the paychecks came regularly and days when strangers left food on our front porch and slipped us cash at church.
There was sickness and health. Days of hospital visits and pic-lines and no heart beat on the ultrasound five times. And healthy days of running and good blood pressure and the birth of three healthy babies.
There is love.
And I cherish him.
We stopped buying Shredded Wheat. I don’t throw pots anymore. He puts his socks in the laundry hamper. We still go for walks and hold hands, but we haven’t played cribbage since 1996. The paychecks come regularly and we are all healthy.
Some days are better. Some days are worse.
I can’t fit into my wedding dress and my husbands white military jacket is too small. But we kept our promises.
He is my husband. He is my friend.
It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.
― Friedrich Nietzsche
I found the cribbage board last week and bought a new deck of cards. Today after we go for a walk, I want to play a game. After I put away the pots and he picks up his socks.
How long have you been married?
Please tell me in the comments. I would love to chat.